Praised be the Dalton
By Kanrei
You are cordially invited to join the new faith for the Messiah has returned and his story has been released. We should all be beyond grateful for this wondrous gift from the gods who have bestowed upon us, the unworthy, this blessing. For on the second day He gave us “Roadhouse”. Dalton has returned, praised be the barmaids!
There are few movies I can say I love. I must say that Roadhouse is by far near the top of the list. What requirements do I have for a movie I love? Simple, I must be able to watch it over and over without getting tired of it. It must make me laugh on a regular basis, be really bad, have a cast that knows they are in a bad movie, and teach me a lesson about life. Roadhouse not only meets these requirements, but surpasses them.
For those who may not know, Roadhouse tells the all important tale of the traveling philosophy bouncer who… No, it is the story of a small town female doctor looking for love in all the wrong plac…. No, it is the story of a greedy evil rich guy who seems to own a town and wants…. No, it is the story of the residents of a small town who find… No, I have no idea what Roadhouse is about. I know a polar bear falls on a fat guy and someone gets their throat ripped out and every line said by Patrick Swayze is pure Taoist gold.
In the spirit of the wandering teacher/prophet/warrior comes the Taoist Zen talking bouncer in the BMW. He rides into town teaching the lessons of “Pain don’t hurt” and “Nobody ever wins a fight”. He spouts lyrics to Limp Bizkit songs as he proclaims “My way…or the highway.” His quest is to find the answer to “Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.” He is the Dalton!
Like the Messiahs to come before him, his mission in life is for everyone to just be nice to each other. And where the other faiths have created the burden of up to Ten Commandments, Dalton only asks that you follow three simple rules.
1. Never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected.
2. Take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary.
3. Be nice
But even the Dalton realizes there is a limit: “until it's time to not be nice” and that is the time for the blessed knee shattering side kick of the Lord. “Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone”. The plan for the heathens as spoken by the all mighty Dalton, let the knees be warned. The land shall be covered in the limping until their faith be restored.
The story of "Roadhouse" has been released once again. A clear sign of the coming Apocolypse. You must be prepared to meet G-d, but you must get past his bouncer first. Know the lessons of the Dalton.
Praised be the Dalton.
You are cordially invited to join the new faith for the Messiah has returned and his story has been released. We should all be beyond grateful for this wondrous gift from the gods who have bestowed upon us, the unworthy, this blessing. For on the second day He gave us “Roadhouse”. Dalton has returned, praised be the barmaids!There are few movies I can say I love. I must say that Roadhouse is by far near the top of the list. What requirements do I have for a movie I love? Simple, I must be able to watch it over and over without getting tired of it. It must make me laugh on a regular basis, be really bad, have a cast that knows they are in a bad movie, and teach me a lesson about life. Roadhouse not only meets these requirements, but surpasses them.
For those who may not know, Roadhouse tells the all important tale of the traveling philosophy bouncer who… No, it is the story of a small town female doctor looking for love in all the wrong plac…. No, it is the story of a greedy evil rich guy who seems to own a town and wants…. No, it is the story of the residents of a small town who find… No, I have no idea what Roadhouse is about. I know a polar bear falls on a fat guy and someone gets their throat ripped out and every line said by Patrick Swayze is pure Taoist gold.
In the spirit of the wandering teacher/prophet/warrior comes the Taoist Zen talking bouncer in the BMW. He rides into town teaching the lessons of “Pain don’t hurt” and “Nobody ever wins a fight”. He spouts lyrics to Limp Bizkit songs as he proclaims “My way…or the highway.” His quest is to find the answer to “Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.” He is the Dalton!
Like the Messiahs to come before him, his mission in life is for everyone to just be nice to each other. And where the other faiths have created the burden of up to Ten Commandments, Dalton only asks that you follow three simple rules.
1. Never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected.
2. Take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary.
3. Be nice
But even the Dalton realizes there is a limit: “until it's time to not be nice” and that is the time for the blessed knee shattering side kick of the Lord. “Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone”. The plan for the heathens as spoken by the all mighty Dalton, let the knees be warned. The land shall be covered in the limping until their faith be restored.
The story of "Roadhouse" has been released once again. A clear sign of the coming Apocolypse. You must be prepared to meet G-d, but you must get past his bouncer first. Know the lessons of the Dalton.
Praised be the Dalton.
posted by Unknown at
9:20 PM
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